i want to go back so badly.

incoming rant.
so. last year, i attended the Student Diversity and Leadership Conference with three of my friends. after the three days were over and i returned home (where i stayed passionately SDLC-sick for over two months), i realized how truly blessed i was for having been able to attend. i feel like i gained a better understanding of myself and my opinions, and i had met a bunch of really great people. SDLC was like a second home for me, even though i had only been there for three days. i knew that given the chance, i would go back in a heartbeat. would. this year, more people signed up than the four of last year, and there is a limit for the program that only allows four students to attend (priority is of course given to students who have not gone). two girls who have never attended were picked, which i was okay with. they're my friends, i want them to have such a great experience themselves. but in addition, two of my friends from the year before were again selected. the other friend of mine who went to the conference last year is actually spending the year abroad in China; so, as the only girl who attended last year who wasn't selected again, i feel upset, left out, and so, so jealous. yeah, i'm happy for them that they get to go again, but i feel like i've never been more envious of anyone in my entire life. maybe if i had only pushed the head of my school to let me go, i would have been picked. so much resentment...

oh god, i am so jealous.