Thursday, May 7, 2009

feeling fine

the horrible weather continued this afternoon in torrential downpour. at the time, i was inside, safe and dry, working on a project. by the time i left school, the skies had cleared up, the sun had come out and the air was warm. wonderful!

tonight i had something of a revelation- instead of just wallowing, i'm going to use this whole situation to make myself stronger. i'll try harder to place myself in God's hands, and put my trust in him. two days ago, i believe he made his presence clear to me when i was at my lowest (via cellphone, which i find rather amusing!), and today's weather situation (as well as a particularly compelling blog entry by Dubness, not going to lie) has just made me think more about my faith than i ever really have. i suddenly felt strangely empowered and contented. not to mention that i have the best friends i could ask for to help me through and through; you guys are my angels. at this point in time, i'll try my best to count my blessings instead of lingering on misfortunes. everything that happens is part of his plan, so i will try to just stick it out and complain less. here i go, wish me luck!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

pardon the angst

i need a better way to deal with my problems.

when bad things happen, when i get truly upset, i just bottle everything up. all the sadness and frustration, i just let it build and build inside. and when all that bubbling beneath the surface gets to be too much, i start letting it out in random bouts that i can't control and that are totally unrelated to the original problem. i start crying for no reason; tiny, trivial matters occur and i just break down on the spot. i try my very hardest not to cry at school; i hate all the attention that comes along with a meltdown. and though i try my best not to cry, sometimes my frustration comes out in other ways. i've been having particularly bad moods lately, although i can usually get away with just saying that i'm tired. and i'm not lying, i really am tired, but more than anything i just feel emotionally worn out. sick and tired of being sick and tired. to my friends, i'm sorry if i unleash my blues on you. i don't mean to upset anyone. i'm just having much more trouble than usual these past two or three days, and i don't think these problems will fit in my little bottle. i'm not good at controlling the overflow, so sorry for my recent gloom.

all the literature and tv programming about death and depression that i have to deal with for class aren't helping much, either. they're beautiful works, really, just not what i need at the moment.

it's been overcast and rainy for three days straight now. a little sunshine, a little reminder that everything will turn out okay, is that too much to ask?

Monday, March 30, 2009

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Mr. Cullen, do your worst.

something may just be wrong with me. i watched Twilight yesterday, and i think i'm supposed to be more smitten with Edward Cullen. i mean, the average member of the female teenage population has seen and adored this movie, or more particularly, Edward. i thought the movie was enjoyable: well made, with clever moments and cheesy but necessary romance portions, but am i not supposed to be completely in love with Señor Cullen? he is undoubtedly charming and desirable, but i don't know, he just doesn't seem to make me go as ga-ga as he does some of my classmates. maybe i just need to watch the movie a couple more times to truly appreciate his beauty.

maybe it's because i've always been rather fond of werewolves? i've also always liked Native Americans, too, hahaha. the actor who plays the character of Native American, wolf tribe descended, Cullen disliking Jacob Black in the movie also played a leading role in The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl in 3D, which really makes me giggle. i guess i'll have to wait for the inevitable epic vampires vs. werewolves battle of Twilight movies to come to figure things out and pick a side. the Cullens seem like nice folks. i could always just read the darn books and learn what happens that way, but what's the fun in that? i hear they're poorly-written, and they would be the first books i've read for pleasure in the past six or so years.

at least i now know i'm immune to being seduced by sexy fictional vampires. well, as far as i know. apparently their scent draws humans in. and they sparkle in the sunlight. i like sparkly things.

no update long time

a lot has gone by since the last update, huh?

well for starters, exams came and left in the blink of an eye. the grades weren't dreadful, and i really did get a pleasant surprise from my above-average History grade, but overall i didn't do spectacularly. English, bah, i never do well on that. Precalc, okay. could have done better, but i'm not hating on myself. i only wish that Mr. P had noticed the comment i wrote about bacon when i couldn't analyze a graph properly. Mandarin was fine as usual, but i think i did better last year (and the year before that, and the year before that). Biology just pisses me off. it's the one class i think i can work long and hard at and still not achieve any results. i wish that man would just cut me some slack sometimes.

the day after came the SAT. man do i think i did poorly on that test. it didn't help that when i got home and told my sister that i thought the test went badly she informed me that the practice tests i had been taking were generally easier than the actual SAT. but whatever. at least i had that off my back.

from there on out was great, though! i spent a week in Laredo, Texas to do some good, hard work and spend some quality time with some fellow classmates and teachers of mine/the objects of some minor obsessions. the people there were generally really kind and fun, with a few "unholy" acceptions and snide remarks. staying at a church was good for me, too; it was nice to get at least partially back in touch with my faith, and provided some much-needed comfort while watching The Ring, knowing that God wouldn't kill me in his house. one thing i deeply miss about Laredo was that the weather was amazing. reaching nearly ninety degrees on several occasions, it was nice to feel the sun on my back and actually sweat a little (and i usually hate sweating). the nights were cool and clear, and allowed for a little star gazing, a rare treat for me. other than almost getting detained by homeland security at the airport on the ride home, it was an excellent trip. being back in cold, television-and-internet-filled New York is a little sad, but it was nice to sleep in my own bed. the sixteen uninterrupted hours of sleep i got upon returning felt so good.

today i ate one package of chocolate, read two manga, watched one episode of Important Things with Demitri Martin, three episodes of Making Fiends, and four episodes of Jon & Kate Plus Eight. yup, things are back to their usual couch-potato-y state. Seufs would be ashamed.

tomorrow i leave for college visits with my mom. i'm thankful that someone cares about my future enough to drag me through this process (it's probably largely because she's made it clear that she wants to live with me when she's old, but i'll take what i can get). i don't actually know all the colleges we're going to, but i'm heading up north and will be back in a little under a week, in time for school to start again. (ick.) i haven't met with the school's college advisor yet, but i dropped off her common app assignment and letter to her the day before break started. hopefully she got to reading them and doesn't think i am too much of a weirdo, although a little bit would be good and accurate. i did mention steampunk and my fear of catfish, after all.

Monday, February 9, 2009

note to self

I MISS HAVING TIME TO DO THINGS I LIKE.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

ick.

i really didn't mean for this blog to get cold so fast. sincerest apologies.

this "Scribe" layout/template has lost its charm to me. there's just something about the newer version of it that's to be desired. and i can't get the old version back. hm... un-props.

the Precalc test i've got tomorrow is going to be the death of me. if my SAT class/Bio test/INSANELY long History test on everything we've learned since like November/mound of college stuff for Chouks i haven't even started to look at yet/cold doesn't get to me first.

and i haven't watched any 桔子酱男孩 for almost a week.

it's getting harder for me to maintain my cheery disposition. but i am determined!!

also, WHY has Helaine come back into my life?! I THOUGHT I WAS DONE WITH HER. why does she have to be the one person to judge my differentially and unfathomably poor writing on some practice SAT? twenty five minutes to discuss the most painfully vague and broad topics ever, and use my horrible judgement to pick terrible examples to back up my weak argument? "I agree with the statement that life is okay. As demonstrated by Nathaniel Hawthorne's novel, The Scarlet Letter..." ARAI KOPO TALAGA.

this is a rough patch. and i'm having intense motivational issues at the moment. maybe i should get myself some incentive. nothing can give me quite as much motivation as knowing something i can really look forward to is coming in the mail for me soon. Ken Chu's new album sound fair enough?

...no, you loser.

i need a tissue.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

some awesome things

merry late Christmas! oh boy, it is still my favourite holiday. the decorations and lights all over New York City, the food, the weather, the food, it all just makes me go starry-eyed! even without the presents, i just love it! oh, and it's New Year's Eve!! woohoo! =D ...wait, i don't like New Year's. oops. D=. much better.

anywho, here are some awesome things i wanted to post:
1. The Sultan's Elephant/The Little Girl Giant

so creepy, yet SO AWESOME!!!!! it would be so cool to work with the Royal de Luxe theatre company. they are totally boss.

2. 朱孝天- la la la
i wanted to put the video directly in my entry so badly, but embed for this vid is disabled and i can't find a link that has embedding enabled. ;_; but anyway, he is beautiful and we are married in my head. (volume's a little loud for this vid, so be careful!) and yes, Lisa, i am still in love with him. you can stop asking.

3. we now have Rockband!!! it is so epic. i love to play the drums! Izumi, i wanted to tell you sooner so you could come over and play, but i think you're in the country or something? anywho call me.

and now for some things that are totally un-awesome:
1. Cat weighs about ten pounds less than i do.

2. Ken and Cat are the same weight. i officially weigh ten pounds more than both my siblings.

3. coloring is a pain in the ass.


so yeah, that's about it for now! happy almost 2009! (yuck.)

Friday, December 19, 2008

now is not the time.

reading everybody's blog entries makes me think; wow, all my friends are such good writers. i wish i could express my thoughts half as beautifully as them. school just got out yesterday (or two days ago, i guess. since it's 2:40 AM), i wrote a spectacularly sub-par (and over one page shorter than the required length) final paper of 2008, but i am done with the schoolwork of the year! i just feel like i shouldn't be thinking this. hmm.

it's been a really good day, though! after waking up to a blizzard outside my window (it was super pretty!), i went to Danny's house to bake gingerbread (could she get any cuter?). other than being a little bummed at finding out then that besides me, only two other people decided to attend (out of the original something-teen), i had an extremely good time and constructed a very nice gingerbread house, if i do say so myself (other than the fact that i forgot to cut a door out of it, so it's basically a gingerbread prison. very Hansel and Gretel, if you ask me). it also took me so long that i got them late to their dinner reservation (sorry, guys. Dx). i forgot Greg was so tall.

i also haven't done any Christmas shopping at all. sorry...

in other news, AS;LDKFJAS;D IZUMI IS COMING BACK IN LESS THAN A WEEK. excitement! fiesta!! too bad i don't get to see her first like i had hoped. dummyhead. (by the way, the place we usually order Chinese food from closed. we'll need to find another.)

i forgot what i was going to say next. xD

my main reason for wanting to update was the video below. i've been meaning to post it for over a week.

yey! 8D

Friday, December 12, 2008

come on, you guys.


am i seriously the ONLY one who finds Ken Chu attractive? (THIS IS NOT AN INVITATION FOR SASS.)

so i hear he's kind of weird looking in Meteor Garden (by the way i am going to watch it over break and will probably disagree), but if you disregard that and look at him completely objectively, watch some music videos, etc. he is actually very cute.

besides, he has ample inner beauty, okay?! >_>;; uh and from what i gather, he has a cute personality... (this is why i am a straight C History/English student. i am not a persuasive person.) he really does win, though. he cooks, is fluent in English (and aside from Mandarin also speaks Cantonese, Singlish, Indonesian, Thai and Japanese), and has three kitties!! 8D oh and apparently he's a world champion at tai chi... which is odd, but still kind of awesome.

i just think he's really cute in general... oh gosh.

and one more thing: FRIENDS DON'T CALL THE MEN OF FRIENDS' DREAMS SMARMY. you wound me, Lisa. to my very soul.

Monday, December 8, 2008

F4 love gush...

so i know i've been bothering everyone i know about this all weekend, but HOLY CRAP I LOVE F4.

i haven't even gotten around to watching Meteor Garden yet, but i am totally smitten by them. yeah i know, i should really get on that, calling myself an Asian drama fan but not having seen MG (the classic!). but Junior year is taking its toll on me, i think. i still try to be as happy and peppy of a person as possible and spread the energy to my equally sleep-deprived and jaded classmates, but ah, i miss the days when i could just sit back and watch 花样少年少女 without having to worry about schoolwork (that much anyway)!

i feel like we're all growing a little weary, so let's just relax for a bit and watch some F4.



hope you enjoy it, i certainly find it very therapeutic. ^^

oh, Ken/朱孝天. i would marry you faster than i can say "嫁给我吧." i don't care if you're twenty nine and slowly getting old and fat. u_u

anywho, i am really tired. life is still beautiful, though (but geez is the weather getting cold!!). i'm happy to be alive. =)



and one more thing while we're still on the F4 train, to directly quote Vanness' blog thing:

God is SUPERDUPER~!

"J.CHRIST~ 4 LIFE!!!"

...what a funny guy. xD with facial hair, he looks like the guy from V for Vendetta. 8D (the proof is at the right) hahahahaha~

--

p.s. it worries me that i checked the history of the supersketchy love letter email my classmates and i sent my Mandarin teacher, and it says she forwarded it to someone... o_0;

Monday, November 24, 2008

if 6 was 9

i want to live in a magical kingdom where i can wear shirts like this and this, and not have people give me weird looks...

oh wait, such a mystical land already exists. it's called Asia.

i love some good bad grammar/nonsensical English on apparel.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

wish list

am i so selfish that i'm already thinking of what i want for Christmas? >_< anywho, just thought i'd make a wish list now for my own personal reference. will update it randomly as interesting things show themselves. =)

i'm sure some of these things can be found on eBay. haha Ken likes using eBay (or at least looking things up on it). i say it's cheaper, plus it's exciting! 8D anywho, the actual list.

-五月天 CD's! their newest one! (i've also been trying to get their fifth album, but i currently want the most recent one more, haha!)
-the movie Batanes on DVD. (English subs please? ;_;) it's got two of my favourite things, Ken Chu and Filipino people! what more could i ask for? xD
-WongFu Productions shirts: [1] [2] [3]
-Jesse McCartney related things. >_> any of his albums (i don't own any!), an autograph, membership to his official fan club?! i dunno, anything. i'm so pathetic, i hate me. xD;;;
-Clazziquai CD- Instant Pig
-G Gundam! all of it. xD been wanting this for a while heh heh.
-Ken Chu's first album- On Ken's Time. he has a beautiful soul. and we are married in my head.
-Super Junior stuff? merch is awesome. i don't really know what (do they have a new calendar yet?), but i find this strange yet oddly alluring... [1]
-Miami Ink on DVD
-fashionable clothes? as frumpy as i am, i do appreciate a cute outfut. the fact that i'm taking interest in pretty/tasteful clothing is a pleasant surprise. i don't own any, though. ;_; also, a lot of these things would look weird on me, i just think they're pretty. u_u stuff like this in general... it's all pretty random/incohesive, but hopefully you get the gist. [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8]
-world peace
-Izumi to come home! and again!
-whatever! :)

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

confusion

what would you do?

let's just create a hypothetical Person X and a hypothetical Person Y. the two met very briefly in person, and communicate entirely through the internet. and let's just say that last year, Person X and Person Y were tight pals on really great terms; good laughs, long conversations, etc. then one day, kinda out of the blue, Person X stops talking to Person Y. Person X no longer responds to Person Y's comments, emails etc. and communication just ceases. a month or so later, Person X kinda says sorry, they were busy. after that, all of Person X's replies to Person Y are considerably shorter than they used to be- from paragraphs to a few words each. Person Y loses hope, and doesn't contact Person X for a couple of months. then there is another attempt at interaction, and another failure. a few more months pass, and Person Y just wants to hear something, anything from Person X. Person Y just wants to know how Person X has been, and to let Person X know they still care. should Person Y even try, or will it just lead to another imminent disappointment?

this is absolutely no big deal, just feeling a little confused...

Sunday, November 16, 2008

SVA, how i miss thee

i miss SVA so much. that's School of Visual Arts, for anyone who doesn't know. like everyone who keeps asking me about my "SVA proud parent" pin... >_>;

i met some of the best people at SVA this summer, i miss them all a lot. they are all so talented, and they are all such characters! there was never a boring moment with them, i think. =) (except maybe during Thursday figure drawing?) it's rare to have that many people with a common interest around you, so it was really a treat. it was also really nice to see everyone else's drawing styles and interests within cartooning as a whole! man, i miss that place. every time i pass by the SVA area (whether it be on the subway, passing 23rd street or in the car), i go, "SVAAAAA. TAKE ME BAAAAAAAACK." oh, and i also miss the Asian bakery like right next door to SVA. their cake was so yummy. ._.

anywho, i almost forgot to write the main point of my entry! last night (well actually it was more like this noontime) i had a dream that i was in my room with a bunch of my SVA friends from the Summer, and we were going to get bubble tea. like somehow we were going to have it delivered to my house. so i was asking everyone what kind they wanted, but they kept giving me really weird flavours. like "penguin" and "cat with a funny costume." ...i didn't really know what to do. and then my dad screamed at me and woke me up before i got to figure out what i would have done. this upsets me. D:

yum. cat with a funny costume bubble tea.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Law and Order: SVU- "Babes"

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Monday, November 10, 2008

herbal lemonade?

i just put a henna design on my arm, and decided to seal the henna with a lemon juice and sugar mixture so it'll last longer (equal parts lemon and sugar, for anyone who wants the recipe~). after applying the solution with a cotton ball, i then proceeded to add water to the condensed lemonade and drink it. after i'd dipped the cotton ball in it multiple times, wiped said cotton ball all over my henna and everything. :D

it's the simple pleasures in life that help us get by, no?

(it tasted good, by the way. and not like henna, though i'll admit i've always wanted to know what that tastes like. it just smells so herbal and nice! =D)

oh and also, i almost just sent an email to my English teacher addressing her as "Sher Bear" (an endearing and cuddly nickname for Sherri). i tried typing it into the "To:" portion of the compose email window and realized, "wait, i don't think that's in the directory..."

Saturday, November 8, 2008

to Kenneth's fans

today he managed to accidentally drop my mother's key card to the gym down an elevator shaft (like into the tiny crack between the floor and the elevator)...

what a clever and talented little brother i have.

Friday, November 7, 2008

festival! henna cramps/right hand appreciation

on a lighter note, today was the Asian Awareness festival!! yaaaay. after all the work Megan, Melanie and i put into it, it was a huge relief (though kind of scary!) to have the event actually happen. Izumi, i think it'd please you to know that we projected a movie onto the screen in the Assembly Hall, and it was Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. :) i lent the DVD to Ms. Marcus, since she wanted to see it. xD

i'm a little sad about the festival on just a personal level, though. i worked at the henna booth for all three hours, not once taking a break. i didn't really mind, i wasn't that tired or bored. it's just that... i didn't see anyone. apparently a bunch of people i know came, and i never saw any of them. not even the Collegiate ACS heads, even though they apparently came with a group (come to think of it, i didn't see the group, either). i like didn't look up from the table once and nobody stopped by to say hi. i dunno; i wasn't bored running the table, just a little lonely.

i didn't see many of my friends during the festival itself, but i guess i did get something out of it. in the process of preparing four pounds of sago pearls for bubble tea, i got to hang out with the kitchen staff. i'm obsessed with them. but moreover, i got to hang out with the guy who always carves the turkey/ribs/porkloin/steak for us at lunch! I LOVE HIM. i want to be his best friend forever. and now i know, his name is Enrique. :D <3

anywho, the main point of my entry was supposed to be that doing henna for three hours straight me realize how thankful i am for my right hand. since i spent so long clenching the henna tube/cone with my fist to get the henna paste out, there were four or five instances between tattoos (i didn't stop the whole time o_0) when i'd pull the cone out of my right hand with my empty left hand, and was unable to open my right hand. all my fingers stayed closed against my will (it was exactly like the Friends episode where Chandler's hand gets stuck like a claw from playing too much Ms. Pacman)... a couple of times i asked my classmates (whoever was closest at the time) to open my hand for me, and homg it hurt! xD i was not expecting that kind of pain when i started doing the henna, hahaha (i was like, "this wasn't in my job description!"). i was jokingly expecting to get carpal tunnel or something, but it made me think (see, i think too much lately!). if by some twist of fate i lost my right hand someday, i wouldn't be able to do any of my hobbies. i mean, theoretically speaking i could train myself to draw/play badminton with my left hand, but it'd no doubt take a very long time and be very frustrating, as well as require a lot of patience/dedication that i don't have. if only i were still ambidextrous... too bad my father beat all the left-handedness out of me hahahaha.

i have since regained full control of my right hand, and this pleases me immensely.

how cool would it be if my hand were sore tomorrow? i think it sounds pretty awesome. it's a pretty sweet accomplishment to have a sore hand from doing henna. 8D

p.s. Lisa, regarding your comment on my earlier post. HE LIKES STEAMPUNK. don't you think it's fate? i've missed you a lot while you were gone, by the way.

respect

so i've just been thinking a lot lately. a lot more than usual, i don't know why.

on monday, my China and Japan history class went on the annual trip to Chinatown. we went to a gym where we did kung fu/tai chi (even though the walls were like all windows, so random people just stood outside and watched us @_@), went on a walking tour of the area, talked to a Buddhist monk and had dinner at Joe's Shanghai (HOMG 小笼包). i feel like visiting the monk wasn't really a part of the trip that other people liked much, but it really got my brain juices pumping. the monk we met is a really happy and friendly guy and for me, it was just a pleasure to be around him (i don't know, i think i absorbed his happy aura or something? anywho it just felt good and very calming). he mentioned that part of the reason he became a monk was that when he was visiting a temple with his friend, he saw the other monks and thought they looked so happy and knowledgeable, and wanted to be like them (also he liked movies involving fighting shaolin monks and the like xD). i feel this kind of admiration, too; they just seem so pure, kind and wise. i wish i could be like them, too. anywho, when someone in the class asked him what his biggest challenge in being a monk was, he said, "being lonely." he said that for training, he has to spend a lot of time alone meditating and distancing himself from others. hearing this from such a cheery guy was just heartbreaking for me. i don't know why, but it's been on my mind for a while now...

in other news, i am so lucky! i got to have bubble tea twice this week! yum yum, i love Quickly. <3 and i saw the same cute guy who works there again. :D